Monday, August 1, 2011

The Cool Kids

The other day I was headed out to see one of the sista' wives.  On the way over I called to tell her I was swinging by Starbucks.  Did she want anything?  She asked if I would pick her up a non-fat latte.  I walked into Starbucks (or as my husband refers to it 'The Evil Empire') and placed my order and hers and for a moment, I got to feel like one of the super cool coffee drinking kids!

Here's the thing.  I can't drink coffee.  Not because I haven't tried.  Lord knows I've made an effort and the results are frightening.  Coffee kicks my normal slightly-frenzied energy level up to a heart-pounding, sweaty, wide-eyed, cocaine addict on a bender level.  Seriously, every time I have coffee people think I'm ill or crazy or both. 

When I worked at my law firm I would ocassionally have a cup of coffee to get me through an all-nighter.  Then I'd spend the rest of the evening explaining to my colleagues (almost all men) in a run-on sentence that "No, I was just fine and the fact that I wanted to review documents while running up and down the stairs in high heels was just because I had a little extra energy to burn off and while we were at it, did they need help with anything because I didn't think these last two 500 page documents were going to take me very long.'  I also had to explain the word OB-GYN should NEVER be pronounced as though you've sounded it out but that's really a whole separate blog post.  

So back to me and my coffee envy.  Coffee is cool.  There are coffee houses and coffee shops and coffee dates.  Tea, my beverage of choice, isn't quite as edgy.  Now you know exactly how uncool I am, since I just described coffee as edgy.  My mother and the Queen of England drink tea.  It's what I give my kids when they have tummy aches.  And, I'm guessing it's what I'll be drinking for the foreseeable future.  If you need me I'll be in the one in the corner drinking my non-fat chai tea, teabag misto with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla.  But if you want me to stop and pick you up a latte, I'm totally your girl!

9 comments:

Jen Daiker said...

I'm not a coffee drinker. I'll do apple cider or hot cocoa. I'm too chicken sh** to try some teas, though I'm sure I'd like them. Hmm... maybe the next time I visit the Evil Empire I'll select a tea off the menu.

Hart Johnson said...

But... but... but... if you don't drink coffee, you can't have a coconut mouthgasm!

I am a coffee drinker, but i confess that when I go to Starbucks physically, I often opt for a Chai latte, too.

Johanna Garth said...

Jen, feel free to order my drink. It's yummy!

Hart, I know! See that's exactly what I'm talking about :)

Creepy Query Girl said...

*snort* What about decaff? lol

David Powers King said...

I remember bottled frappucinos getting passed around to my senior class. So I tried it. Hadn't tried a coffee product before then. What a rush, but I didn't like the headache afterward. I get more out of various orange juices. Funny post, Johanna!

Johanna Garth said...

Katie, it's just something about coffee that makes me crazy!

David, thanks for stopping by and now that you've mentioned frappucinos I rememberd I'm also jealous of the big case of them my husband keeps in the pantry ;)

naida said...

I like both coffee and tea. I work right next to a Starbucks so now in the summertime I love getting my iced green tea fix on.

Beylit said...

You are not uncool, I am uncool in a coffee house as I don't normally drink anything they serve but water. It totally isn't a caffeine thing either (as I have been known to drink Jolt with no adverse effects) I have just never been able to develop a taste for coffee or tea. I want to like it, I try to like it, but alas I can't stand the taste.

So unless it is cold out (which rarely happens in Texas) and I can stomach hot chocolate or cider, I am straight out on coffee shops.

Johanna Garth said...

Naida, I love the iced green tea options too!

Beylit, welcome to the blog and glad to know I'm not alone on the coffee thing :)