Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Off List

Maybe you don't use the term "Off List" at your house.  Maybe you do.  I have to confess I stole it from my friend Birdie, who is an endless font of the best phrases ever. 

In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, let me explain.  Off List is the phenomonen that occurs when I call my husband and say, "Would you mind picking up a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread on the way home from work."  He says, "No problem," and when he comes home he has the requested gallon of milk, loaf of bread and perhaps a $600 tent.  

The tent was clearly Off List. 

Items don't need to be expensive to be categorized as Off List.  Exhibit # 1 in the Off List files at my house is the rows of canned beets in my pantry.  I still haven't figured out why my husband thinks canned beets are essential, but the beets don't lie.  Again and again, they have called to him from the canned goods aisle and he has been unable to resist.  Maybe I should throw him a bone and whip up some borcsht.

When I was growing up my father used to go Off List with such frequency and strange results that my mother banned him from the grocery store.  Tins of smoked oysters and canned okra occupied the same spot in her pantry as beets do in mine.

Some would argue that the need for a list is outdated, old-fashioned.  But I would argue that the list is designed precisely to prevent the purchase of things like Costco sized boxes of chocolate filled liquor bottles, oddly colored beach towels purchased at a deep discount, monster sized jars of Pepperoncinis or canned beets!

Please honey, no more going Off List and no more beets!

8 comments:

Beylit said...

I love that phrase, and it so describes my husband. Of course while he tends to show up with random things from macaroni salad ("I would have gotten baked beans but they were out and I thought you would eat this."..."Sweetheart you know I hate beans and store bought pasta/potato salad"..."Oh yea...")to random rolls of twine, to canned hominy, he also is completely incapable of getting what I asked for.

I say milk and cat food, I get milk, pomegranate juice, and a squeeky toy for the dog. I ask for cumin I get chili powder (because he thinks they are the same thing) and light bulbs. I write lists for him, I text him lists, I tell him lists, I sit on the phone with him while he is in the store, and still I am always missing something on the list.

Sherrill said...

That's awesome! Sadly though, it is me with the Off List problem.

wearegoingonawitchhunt said...

If I don't have a list I just wander the aisles scratching my head. I'm definitely On List or nothing :)

Sarah Pearson said...

Yep, I have a big problem with off list.

And the only people who argue that the need for a list is outdated are those who don't go grocery shopping.

Johanna Garth said...

Beylit, I love that he brings home dog toys!

Sherrill, I already made my confession to you ;)

Chantal, sounds like you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Sarah, my point exactly!

julie fedderson said...

I'm actually the one that goes off list in our household. Because you never know when you're going to need a giant jar of mustard or 12 pairs of Christmas socks bought in July because they were 90% off. And beets are really good for you.

Sarah Hardy said...

Um, this made me smile big on a morning when I am truly losing my sanity. Thanks Johanna :)

Tami said...

Love that phrase! I'm stealing it immediately because I have a huge "off list" problem.