Friday, September 21, 2012

Optimism

I didn't blog on Wednesday, which is unlike me. Usually I don't take unannounced breaks, but this week has been full of unanticipated challenges.

There are things I could write about, light-hearted things in the vein I usually write, but my heart isn't in them. My heart and mind are occupied with other things at the moment. Words like biopsy and phrases like transfer by emergency vehicle are the fog shrouding my sunnier thoughts.

Instead of writing until my fingers go numb I've been sitting next to my father's hospital bed. There are moments when everything feels familiar; the conversations with doctors, the indignity of hospital food, the constant interruptions to record vital signs. It's a Lifetime movie we've all seen, the sad one with a happy ending.

And that's what I tell myself, even as the person I love is having a hole drilled and redrilled in his skull. Tears will be shed, but this story will have a happy ending too.

Soccer practices, piano lessons, homework, back-to-school nights, blogging, working on my WIP and a chocolate birthday cake for my husband's birthday were all scheduled this week.

The chocolate cake will still happen. Some things shouldn't go uncelebrated. And I'm enough of an optimist to believe there will be a light soon, even if it's as small and flickering as candles on a cake.


18 comments:

Connie J Jasperson said...

You are awesome, and you will find your strength in you family and in your wtiting. My prayers are with you!

Tamara Narayan said...

Johanna,

I am so sorry you are going through this. In my way, I can empathize as two of my family ended up in the ER within two weeks of each other this summer. One has had brain surgery in August and faces another procedure in October. People tell me I am handling everything so well, and sometimes I think I am too. Then the least little snafu will set off my temper and I start spewing curse words everywhere.

I wish you strength and moments of peace.

Tammy

Alison DeLuca said...

Dear Johanna, in the midst of darkness you have lit up a tiny corner of the world with this gracious, heartfelt blogpost. I send many hugs and prayers for you and your family.

Beylit said...

No one ever wants to be a Lifetime movie, not even one with a happy ending because there is so much grief and strife that leads to the end. I am so sorry you are having to go through with all of this. I hope you can find the strength. You and your family are in my thoughts. Enjoy the chocolate cake.

jaybird said...

So sorry to hear all of this is going on in your life. Always try to hold onto that hope and optimism. Wishing you and your family all the best, during this difficult time.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Johanna, prayers for your father and your family! Maintain that optimism.

~Sia McKye~ said...

Johanna, happy ending or not, those hours in the hospital waiting...they're awful. Your emotions are all over the place while you cling desperately to hope because while you're facing all that minute by minute, you really don't know how it will all end. It's not until later you can get the bigger picture and take a breath.

Poor baby. You're wiped out, aren't you? ((((hugs))))

My prayers are with you and your family, sweetie.

Sia McKye OVER COFFEE

Barbara Watson said...

Oh wow. Thinking of you as you walk through the storm.

Rachel Tsoumbakos said...

*HUGS* My thoughts and prayers to out to you and your family Johanna.

Chuck said...

My thoughts are with you. I know how hard it is to have a parent in the hospital. Best wishes.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Thinking of you -- sending good thoughts -- and hoping for the happy ending.

Scarlett said...

Life is like that, isn't it... Our fear of the unknown and chocolate cake.

Thinking of you, Johanna.
Much Love and Peace!

Neurotic Workaholic said...

I hope that everything will turn out okay for you and your family, especially your father. And I think it's good that you celebrated your husband's birthday. Like you said, birthdays can make people feel optimistic, because they bring the promise of a new year where good things could happen.

KatieO said...

SO sorry to hear about this - hoping that all is turning out okay for you and your dad both.

Love your next post about finding beauty in your surroundings and in the kind words of friends. I'll add my good thoughts to those of all the others already wishing you well.

TL Cooper said...

Hugs!

naida said...

I hope everything turns out well. Sending positive thoughts your way!

Julie said...

I'm so sorry to read this, Johanna. Hoping for the best for you and your family and sending my good wishes your way.

Tuesday Child said...

Really sorry to hear about your Dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you.