Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Strippers, Catwomen of the Night and Cozy Cup Bras

It came to my attention this weekend that Child #1 was talking a lot about strippers. Remembering my own fifth grade obsession with prostitutes, I decided it was necessary to make sure she had her facts straight.

My prostitution obsession was based on several key half-truths. I believed prostitutes were glamorous women who got to stay up late and wear beautiful clothes.

Someone, somewhere along the line, aided this misconception by referring to them as "ladies of the night" which made me readjust my definition. Suddenly I saw prositutes as slinky, glamorous ladies who got to stay up ALL NIGHT LONG. Staying up all night long is a big deal when you're ten. In my mind prostitutes became something like Catwomen of the night; cool clothes, cooler attitude, all night parties, fighting against evil and swishing their tails. At ten, I was certain I wanted to be a Catwoman of the night.

So yeah, I'm digressing, but my point is I want my daughter to have all the facts. I do not want her to announce to her fifth grade teacher that her future goal includes being a Cat-woman of the Night...erm...stripper.

I cornered her when her brother and dad where out of the house. "I hear you've been talking about strippers a lot." She had the good sense not to admit or deny, gave me the preteen version of taking the 5th so I continued. "Do you know what they are?"

"Umm yeah, they're these women who take off all their clothes on stage so men can see their boobs."

"What do you think about that?"

"I think its really weird."

Then I got lucky, not stripper or Catwoman of the Night lucky, just plain old mom lucky because she opened up. "So some of the girls at my Girl Scout meeting were acting really weird and saying they want a Cozy Cup Bra and talking about how animals have sex, but I don't want to do any of that."

"A Cozy Cup Bra?" I asked, ignoring the animal sex issue.

"Yeah." She made a face, sort of like pretend vomiting.

"That's the worst bra name ever," I told her. "It's like you're supposed to wear it and sit around drinking hot chocolate."

She giggled, no eye-roll.

"They might as well call it the 'My Parent's Don't Want Me to Have Boobs Bra' or the 'Breast Bud Bra' or the 'First Hint of Puberty Bra'.

More giggling, we were on a roll, so I decided to ask the question I was tiptoeing around. "Are you in the market for a Cozy Cup of your own?"

She ignored the question, did a cartwheel and on her way out of the kitchen said, "I'll think about it and get back to you."

I think we made progress. It's a step in the right direction. Now all I have to do is find some time to dig deeper into the animal sex thing.

22 comments:

Connie J Jasperson said...

You have entered that no-man's land of parenthood. Now you are assailed by the the toughest speed-bump of perfect parenting -> how much inforamation is too much, and did I really just hear that?

I'll be praying for you! If my kids survived my attempts at parenting, your's surely will!

Beylit said...

You know I don't think I ever had any talk about anything like this with my mom. If the topics of sex, strippers, prostitutes, or even bras came up it was well into my high school years. Things like bras just sort of happened one day and I can't even remember how. Not that I see any of this as a bad thing or a failure on her part, just a little odd since every other woman I know had these sorts of talks and experiences.

jenny milchman said...

Ha ha ha, or you can USE the cozy cups FOR hot chocolate.

What kinds of animals?

Good job, momma.

Cassie Mae said...

Oh my gosh! Hysterical! LOL. Man, you've kinda scared me though now about having a girl, haha!

Johanna Garth said...

Connie, we are very free with information around the Garth household.

Beylit, I love that my daughter and I can talk about that...and if you stop by and see this for some reason I can't comment on your blog anymore.

Jenny, dogs and hamsters!

Cassie, are you expecting a girl? Can't remember. If you are then don't be scared because it's sooo much fun.

Hart Johnson said...

I think you did good. It's so funny the ideas people get in their heads. My mom communicated REALLY poorly, but I was fortunate to have friends with more forthcoming families, so I pretty much knew what was what. I decided most of my stupid decisions were related to ACTING like I knew something when I was clueless, so i wouldn't let my kids be. They get the sometimes embarrassing facts straight.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

At least she wasn't idolizing strippers. Yeah, I'd save the animal sex thing for later. You might want to be sitting down.

Joanne Noragon said...

Good for you. Both my granddaughters, 10 and 13, were wearing cast off garments from their older sister because their mother hadn't bothered herself. Don't know what they're called, but they looked like mens' under shirts that ended below the breast. They certainly did not support the older child, who took a B cup when we went shopping. We got each of them real undergarments and I swear it changed their confidence. Like standing up straight and picking a pretty shirt to buy. It is important, and I think your daughter and you are doing just fine.

Neurotic Workaholic said...

It's good that you're talking with your daughter about these things. It always helps kids to know that they can talk openly with their parents.

Joshua said...

My daughter is 5. My mind just destroyed itself thinking about a similar conversation in my future.

jaybird said...

Good job mamma!Having open ended conversation with your girls is key. Mine come home and ask me the most insane questions. But I'd rather be known as the mom who will talk about it, than the one who clams up and is in denial.

I'm a firm believer in communication. So I encourage my kids to tell me everything, even the little things, in the hopes that when they become teenagers, that line of communication is still wide open.

Best of luck with the up-coming talk!!!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

I had to force bras on my daughters, because they obviously needed them, even though they kept insisting they didn't. Sports bras to start with. Then I had to take my 15 year old daughter to Victoria's Secret -- which she said was "disgusting." Geez. How did she get to be such a prude?

Good luck with the animal sex thing.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Thank goodness I still have a while for this talk with my daughter. Though she did think you got pregnant by dressing sexy. My 12 yo cracked up when she said this. He had just had his sex ed class.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

And I forgot to tell you I reviewed the latest Bond in Monday's post!

Rachel Schieffelbein said...

Well done, mamma! And good luck with the animal sex!
(Wait, that came out wrong.)

Barbara Watson said...

Oh, man. This made me smile.

M Pax said...

Seems like you navigated all of those sticky topics perfectly.

alexia said...

LOL... kids talk about such weird stuff. I have a lot of similiar talks with my 13 y.o. stepdaughter. My son is mostly oblivious for the time being...

Chuck said...

You are going to have an interesting time with her that's for sure. That was kinda funny though.

Carol Kilgore said...

She didn't ask for her own stripper pole, so all's well :)

Ella said...

Phew....yeah, I agree you might want to sit down for the animal sex thing and be drinking Hot Chocolate, wearing cozy slippers ;D.

This post reminds me of some of my talks with my children. Truth and humor always works best! Yes, well done... :D

Shell Flower said...

I just googled cozy cup bra and found something that looks a little more like a life-jacket than a bra, so I wouldn't worry too much there. And the animal sex comment sounds pretty innocent to me. Most kids see sex for the first time when dogs, cats, etc. end up going at it in the alley or something. Then it all clicks and it's like, "oh, that's what sex is." And these days with all the stripper workouts and such so popular, it's no wonder young girls are fascinated.