Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Potty Talk on East Burnside

We were in the car.

Headed home after a long day at camp (kids) and writing a synopsis for the WIP (me). From the driver's seat I asked, "Any ideas about how to follow up my blog announcement that Losing Hope has been released?"

The kids paused in their complicated discussion of Beyblade powers long enough to give my question some serious thought.

"You said the book was kind of sexy. Maybe you should write about that. Like a how-to guide," said Child #1. In the background her brother launched into a version of "I'm Sexy and I Know It," using the "I'm Elmo and I Know It," lyrics.

If Sesame Street were a religion, I'm certain using Elmo as a synonym for the word sexy, as we are known to do, would be a sin. And one we commit on a regular basis.

"Good idea," I said. "But most of my readers are probably past the how-to guide stage."

"Poop! You should write about poop!" said Child #2.

"Or diarrhea!" added Child #1, not to be outdone by her brother. They entertained me for three solid blocks up East Burnside with refrains from the Diarrhea Song, which is something else most of my readers are probably familiar with, albeit from their childhood.

"How about vomit?" screamed Child #2 over the thump-ba-da-thump of the stereo system that I had turned up to drown out the Diarrhea Song.

"How about something that doesn't revolve around bodily expulsions?" I asked turning the stereo back down.

"Snot?" asked Child #1.

Before I could remind them snot is something else that comes out of the body, Child #2 added, "S'not as gross as you think it is. Really Mom, that's what the OMSI billboard says."

"So what's for dinner?" asked Child #1 because in her mind the question of blog topic had been resolved.

"Burritos, filled with squash and broccoli vomit mash."

"Mom! That's disgusting!! Say you're kidding or I really might vomit."

It's been a week full of victories. I released a book and claimed the title of potty-talkingest in the car. I leave it to you to decide which one took more fortitude.

18 comments:

Connie J Jasperson said...

My dear - raising the kids is the toughest job by far and is certainly not for the faint of heart! Writing a book and getting it published is monumental, and how you manage to do the two at the same time I don't know!

But if ANY woman can do it, it is you!

Julie said...

Hahaha. I always love the posts about your kids, and this conversation may be the best one yet. And you're right, I am jealous of your car rides. :D

Rachel Schieffelbein said...

Ha! Well done. ;)
Hey, would you be interested in doing an interview or guest post on my blog? If so, email me at rachelmarybean(at)yahoo.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That's hilarious! You did ask your kids though. Ans swapping Elmo for sexy just might attract lightning.

Joanne Noragon said...

Did squash and broccoli shut them down, or did your eardrums burst from EEEEEWWWWW, Mom!?

Johanna Garth said...

Aww, thanks Connie!

Julie, I'd give a lot for some nice quiet car rides...just once in a while.

Thanks Rachel :)

Alex, I know, right!

Joanne, it was definitely the EEEWWW mom.

Angela Ackerman said...

Oh my gosh--your kids are awesome! A person cannot make stuff like this up! ROTF.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Congrats on your book release, Johanna. :)

And I'm sure my kids could out do yours when it comes to potty talk. :P

Gail said...

Congratulations on the book release.

May it be a best seller even if you are a potty mouth.

Teasing, I loved this post.

Shell Flower said...

Way to one-up the kids and release a novel all in one week. You are superwoman!
Oh, and thanks a lot, I'm going to have the diarrhea song in my head all day now. LOL.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Bwa-ha-ha! This reminds me of several "on the way home" conversations I had with my daughters when they were much younger. One of these inspire the first of the "Slice of Life" skits I now use as Christmas letter. It, too, revolved around bodily functions ...

Ella said...

Funny! Congrats Mom on so many levels~ :D
Again, so thrilled about your book!
Kids say some amazing gross stuff! It is fun, when Mom shocks them ;D
I love it~

Donna Hole said...

Well, at least you had a sustained conversation with the Kiddies :) And they took at least a twisted interest in your book. Yep, win win.

Happy Holidays Johanna.

......dhole

Talli Roland said...

First of all, congrats on the new release!

Secondly, dinner sounds... interesting. :)

Anne Gallagher said...

Oh yes, those conversations in the car. Love those. And no, snot is not a bodily expulsion, it comes from your nose, not your bum. don't you know.

Congratulations on your latest release. may it sell a million copies.

Rebecca Kiel said...

Love your kids responses! Thanks for the laugh.

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