Monday, December 16, 2013

Desolation of a Movie

This transcript of yesterday's Q&A session is brought to you by The Hobbit.

My fandom of J.R.R. Tolkien's books was created by my father. He read the entire series to me, tirelessly, and then when I begged he read it again. And again. And again.

I honestly don't know how many times he read those books out loud. A lot, is probably the safest estimate. Of course, I've tried to carry on the tradition by reading The Hobbit to my children which is why, The Desolation of Smaug, was mandatory weekend viewing for us.

It turns out that, despite having both read the book myself and heard it read many times, I'm still lacking in my Hobbit knowledge. Here's a list of the top popcorn breath questions whispered mid-movie.

1. Where are all the girl Orcs?
Me: Not sure.

2. And how do they reproduce so quickly? Is someone spawning them like in Minecraft?
Me: I don't think so, but that's a good question. Shhh.

3. Where does the shapeshifter keep his clothes? Are they in the barn?
Me: In the trees.
Them: Where in the trees?
Me: They don't show that part. Shhh.

4. In the dark forest: Why are they all acting so weird.
Me: The air is sort of like a hallucinogenic.
Them: What's that.
Me: Never mind.
Them: TELL US!!!!
Me: The air makes them dizzy. Shhh!

5. When you're wearing the ring does it allow you to understand spider tongue?
Me: Yes.

6. Followed quickly by: Do you think if they met hamsters they would understand hamster tongue?
Me: Yes.
Them: Giggles of delight.
Me: Shhh!!!

7. When the elves are going over the waterfalls in barrels: Why aren't the barrels filling up with water? Are they magic barrels?
Me: Yes. They're filled with elven magic.

8. When Gandalf sees the Dark Lord. Why does it keep showing that figure going in on himself?
Me: It's supposed to represent infinite evil.
Them: Ohhhh!

9. Who do you like better Katniss or Tauriel?
Me: Can't compare. They're different species.

10: When can we see the next one?
Me: Next Christmas

I absolutely silence my phone in the theater. But...I'm still working on my children. Until I get that figured out, you might want to sit a few rows away from us.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'll just go to s different showing!
I did wonder about the barrels, but hey, elf magic works for me.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

My, they were full of questions, weren't they?

ilima said...

Awesome. I was shushing my daughter the whole time too. ;)

Rachel Schieffelbein said...

Lol! That's cute. :) My daughter is constantly asking me questions during shows too, like what's going to happen next, and I tell her "I don't know! I'm seeing the same stuff you are!" Lol.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Ah, so this is what having kids is like. Having answers to questions you never knew existed. I wouldn't even begin to know how to answer these. Well done.

Hart Johnson said...

*giggles* Loved this question and answer. As to the no girl orcs, Tolkein was a notorious prude and afraid of all things girl, so if he could get away with leaving them out, he generally did.

D.G. Hudson said...

I'm glad they're bringing back Legolas, one of my faves. Haven't seen it yet, will soon. I love the fact that your father read those books to you. Lucky child, you were.

Hope your holidays are great!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

LOL! There is no OFF button for the kids ...

Botanist said...

I think you can be forgiven for not knowing all the answers, if #1 was anything to go by. A lot happened there that was never in the book so I expect more of the same in #2.

I read The Hobbit to my kids years ago, but only got part-way through LOTR before their attention wavered. We then decided they were old enough to watch the movies.

Angelia Sparrow said...

You and the kids can sit right here by me!

Weaver said...

haha love your Q&A. Hubby and I will probably get to see Smaug after Christmas.

Julie Flanders said...

LOL. It's cute that they enjoyed the movie so much. Love the Q&A. said...

I think one of the most loving things a father can do is read to his children. My dad did sometimes, and I wish it'd happened more often. Glad you experienced that too.

Blessings to you and yours, Johanna.
xoRobyn said...
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Neurotic Workaholic said...

Hahaha their questions were funny though! And thank you for silencing your phone during the movie; I wish more people were like that. So many people talk loudly on their phones during the whole movie or spend the whole time texting (the light from their cell phone screens bugs me).

Chuck said...

Pretty sharp kids...good thoughtful questions. Keeps you on your toes during the movies!!

Can't wait to see it!